Power in the details

Anyone who is a parent of a two-year-old knows that power becomes a central issue in getting through any day. Children at this age want to do for themselves, to feel big, competent and distinct from their parents. In general, children are quite powerless, yet giving your child the opportunity to make choices and play with power in appropriate ways is an important exercise on the course to becoming autonomous individuals.

Sometimes, power for toddlers comes in the details:

• Try to involve your child in daily routine tasks. Expand from simply talking about what you’re doing with your child to giving them a role. For example, during breakfast, offer your child choices (do you want eggs or waffles), let them mix the batter, eggs, or butter the toast. Have them set the table, fold the napkin, wipe the counter/table afterward…
• Offer your child the opportunity to dress themselves, pick out their own clothes, shoes, etc.
• Give your child jobs at home. Feeding the dog, putting laundry in the hamper, throwing things away, even placing a sippy cup in the dishwasher can make your child feel like a capable member of the household.
• On a day when you have available free time let your child choose what she/he wants to do.
• Give your child power over their own body. Have him or her help with teeth brushing, bathing, washing his or her own face, hands, etc.
• Provide opportunities for your child to “read” a book to you. What they come up with may surprise you.

Whisper please!

My husband tried to teach my two-year-old how to whisper last night. This came after a conversation of sorts at the dinner table whereby my dear daughter transmitted her observations of a bird and big nest she noticed through the window in yells, high pitch shrieks and a bouncing body. It really was quite ear-splitting, yet quite joyous and full of excitement too. I wonder if there is a way to tone down the shriekiness without putting a damper on the expression of such glee. Probably not. I do worry  slightly though… my husband had to attend speech classes a child because of his tendency to yell everything he said!

Costa Rica: toddler on board

My mother always recalled to me how much children are like sponges and this analogy fixed in my mind today as my twenty-two month old, her dad and I ventured off to explore the Guanacaste region of Costa Rica for the day. She started off having no idea how to retain her wiggles in the mini bus sans a car seat. Some wiggles and screams out of the way, we set about by boat floating down the Palo Verde River, where the salt of the sea mixes with fresh water creating a bird lover’s paradise.

But monkeys were on her mind, and frogs of course  -  after a grapefruit sized-frog hopped across our path in route to our hotel room on our first night in Costa Rica. Frog fever waned a little as the salty waters drove away our ribbiting friends. There were lots of crocodiles ranging from puny to the size of a very large grown man – but much longer!  Every time my daughter elevated to her tip toes and peered over the edge of the boat I had a moment of fear strike – those nasty crocodiles teeming the waters.

While we peeled our eyes for monkeys we came across lots of other fascinating animals. The snake bird was a particular favorite and the male iguanas with the spikes on their back. The tiny bats that I was sure were just bumps on a tree until one flew away as the sound of the boat’s motor approached were cute little herbivores. My daughter’s vocabulary grew by the second as she called out to the creatures, scaring them away more than hithering them to us. I am sorry to the rest of the boat passengers who missed a view due to her excitement!

When the monkeys were finally spotted she got off the boat with her dad and walked through the tall grass to call to the howler monkey. It called back and made known its feelings about being disturbed in it’s slumber. I wondered as I watched from the boat how much she would remember of this trip.

She ate a typical Costa Rica meal after we departed the river and questioned, “hear that?” every time a rooster crowed. She thanked everyone in sight for her “eggies” from the baby chicken and was quite pleased with the mango juice. As the day grew on she sounded more like a child familiar with Costa Rican wildlife than our toddler who left the city less than a week ago. While she may not remember the details of her excursions in this country, she’s coming back with pails full of new knowledge – a sponge for sure…

The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show – Update

If you’re really interested you can purchase the show on DVD  at www.razorfilms.co.nz. Otherwise, scan www.tvnz.co.nz to see if they put the show up in the “on demand” section.

The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show

A six-part serious looking at how ludicrous modern parenting has become premieres Wednesday, July 15 on Channel One through TV New Zealand online.

The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show

Exactly that – a head start

We’re now spending almost $8 billion on Head Start, but as soon as the government’s flush again, Congress will start making more investments in the program. Why? Because of belief—versus knowledge—that Head Start does the trick: that it helps kids everyone agrees need help. Based on evidence, in some cases it does and in some it does not. I think the best message is that Head Start should be able to do it and we should believe in it, but it’s not doing it now and we need to improve the program so it does.

- Ron Haskins, senior policy analyst at the Brookings Institution

Debate about the costs and benefits of Head Start abound in the media right now, as universal preschool arguments heat up. Many of the arguments against the proposed expansion of public school to the early years cite evidence that Head Start programs provide no significant long term advantages for children (Books: Reroute the Preschool Juggernaut). Without dredging down the universal preschool debate, the Head Start bashing must be addressed.

The achievement gap that overwhelmingly exists between low-income and middle-class children narrows when children attend Head Start. It does not disappear, but those who think a one-year schooling program can wipe out the effects of poverty and violence are very, very shortsighted.

At its best and above much else, preschool helps children create a sort of literacy for schooling – something that may not be easily tested by assessments. It teaches them about the rules, routines, ways of behaving and opportunities that school offers. It opens the door of possibilities, encouraging children to become familiar with books and their purpose, how to ask questions and how to find the answers. It teaches young children the benefits and skills of conflict resolution, working in groups and becoming resourceful. All of this plays into a child’s success in school and works to close the achievement gap – but that gap is very wide in both student achievement and preschool quality.

Is Head Start reaching its full potential as a program aimed at creating school readiness? No. Like any schooling system, there exists a range in quality across Head Start programs. The program set out to remedy the effects of problems that in reality will not be reversed by schooling alone.

I believe a comprehensive program like Head Start is the best way to impact the lives of young children, particularly children living under the most challenging conditions. Research backs this up with consistent evidence that there is no easy fix, no inoculation we can give little kids at a magic period in time that will prevent the problems that come from drugs, violence, lack of housing and health care, and extreme poverty.

- Ed Zigler, Sterling Professor of Psychology at the Bush Center for Child Development

Head Start has the potential to impact children more than some of its programs currently do, but the system works for many children and families if even on a micro level. For more information about research on the benefits of Head Start, inquire at the links below:

Closing the Achievement Gap: Head Start and Beyond – Harvard Family Research ProjectResearch on Head Start and Early Head Start

Mom’s Voice: Stringing words

As my twenty-one-month-old daughter talks more and more everyday, her language growth amazes me. She’s moved from commands, “Mama, sit here” to personal “I” statements. Last week, both “I need you” and “I like you” came from her mouth. It always catches me a little off guard when she says something new. She’s told her dad “I love you” and comments about my “wet hair” each morning.

Today she played with salutations. I mentioned that I was going to the kitchen for something and she replied, “take care” much to my surprise. And then she said, “thank you” after every exchange of object. Her dad said he was surprised a toddler could be so polite. I said, “modeling does wonders…”.

It is so exciting to get a concrete glimpse into her thinking and I wonder how her thoughts will continue to shape her identity. I can’t wait for more to come.

What were you children’s first string of words? Do they indicate anything in particular about your child’s personality?

On community and benevolence

What messages do we send to our children when we treat people as if they are invisible? Go through your days’ experiences and notice the times when you overlooked or intentionally rebuffed a person out in public. I think we do this all the time – the most polite people do it, the most outgoing people do it, and the most well-intentioned parents do it. But it is the details of our daily interactions that cumulatively have a significant impact on a child’s sense of respect, appreciation and acceptance of people.

I was at a food court eating with my toddler once and she was highly interested in a woman who was clearing trays and collecting the trash. I explained to her that taking care of the food court was this woman’s job in a nice enough fashion. My daughter wanted to follow her around though and I somewhat embarrassingly stopped her relying on telling her “she’s working” to end the interaction. At no point did I make eye contact with the woman and smile or simply ask her how she was doing, or even explain that my child was really interested in her job.

When we treat people like they don’t exist we send strong messages to our children that these people don’t matter, that our tasks, our hurry, and our agenda in life are superior to any spontaneous human connection. Taking one moment of the woman’s time at the food court to introduce my child to her, thank her and smile would have overtly sent a message of respect and connection while my silence and textbook explanation created a sort of segregation between us and her. Interactions with sales clerks, people who are homeless or just people we pass on the sidewalk without as much as a “hello”mount up to a significant impact on a child’s sense of prejudice and community.

I think most parents want to raise their children to be good people. If a hundred parents were polled, I seriously doubt that fostering a sense of community would rank high on a list most important values for children to learn though. But, this value goes far in cultivating a sense of care, acceptance and responsibility for each one of us. Many of the problems we face as a society stem in part, from fostering self-involved individuals that don’t feel a sense of connection to a community of people who are connected by place, time and virtue.

Talking to our children about people we encounter out in public is often not enough to  really convey values that underpin benevolent characters. They have to live it and that  means that we have to live it and believe that as our habits of connection, care and respect are expressed, our children will be the ultimate beneficiaries.

Around the block, on a walk

The next time you’re feeling like the time is passing slowly and you need to get yourself and your toddler out of the house, go for a walk. Even the most mundane neighborhoods provide enough new stimuli to keep a curious toddler intrigued for an extended period of time.

One of my daughter’s favorite things to do on our walks is to bring anything with wheels and try out the sidewalk inclines that our hilly neighborhood provides for us. Today she brought her baby stroller and as we walked up a hill she shoved the stroller forward and then stood still for it to roll back down to her, over and over. Needless to say, it took us about 20 minutes to get to the top of the one-block hill.

Stopping to smell the flowers is another opportunity time outside affords. As cliché as it may be, doing this with your child, stopping and noticing the details of the flora and fauna around your neighborhood just seems good for the soul. Giving our children time to do this helps orient them towards details, builds appreciation for our environment and activates all of their senses in exploration.

Crouching to feel the flower petals...

If you’re looking for other ways to extend the learning and fun on a walk with your toddler, keep in mind these simple tips:

• Bring along a small piece of chalk and turn the sidewalk into art.
• Count your steps in chant or singsong and help your child begin to notice one-to-one correspondence (one number per action/object).
• Model skipping, hopping or standing on one foot in a follow-the-leader fashion to encourage gross motor development and risk taking.
• Notice numbers that show up everywhere outside – on a house address, a mailbox or a car’s license plate to help your child begin to recognize numerical forms.
• Look up – notice the clouds, power lines, trees, birds, airplanes, etc. to discover the world above us.
• Collect fallen leaves, pebbles, sticks and stones. Young children are natural collectors of items and spend time sorting and hiding small items as they manipulate them by size, shape, color and texture.
• Point out words that you find outside as well – street signs, mailboxes, cars, bumper stickers and community postings all offer a chance for your child to see print in context (which helps build the foundations for literacy).
• Be friendly to a neighbor when you pass, begin a conversation. I know many of you may be looking cross-eyed at this tip, but setting an example of connectedness may do more for our children’s future than any academic oriented teaching.
• Get your child out of his or her stroller, it’s too limiting for these sorts of walks.

Book: How full is your bucket

Has anyone read the adult or child version of How Full is Your Bucket?

“The book’s premise, based on 50 years of research, is quite simple: Even the briefest interactions affect your relationships, productivity, health and longevity.”

Book teaches kids the importance of ‘full bucket’